writing...

Writing is something I do alot of. Even though i haven't been blogging very often, I write every day. So I figured it is time to share something I've written with this tiny universe of the internet. This is something I wrote a while ago, last fall I believe. I vaguely remember writing this but I do not completely remember the context. Read, ponder, forget or not...its just a thought from my head:

"Whatever you do don't read between the lines and don't reply with I told you so.
Never again never again will I come this far and let you get to me
A D D has washed over me like insomnia has become my friend
Motivation took a vacation and I'll never see the end of it all.
I look around and all I see are piles of the things i've left undone
Try that I may it seems the only thing I hold on to
is checking and rechecking but nothing ever changes.
The internet is a scary place and it encourages all kinds of denial,
Refresh will never make it any better and nothing will ever change.
So I'll write and I'll write all kinds of nonsense because, you see,
This doesn't make sense at all
But writing is the only thing worth doing, the only friend worth having
That part, now that, makes some sense.
Just call me Anything now please
What a hero, a lonely and tragic zero."

I think that one line captures it pretty well..."this doesn't make sense at all"
haha, anyways...hope you're all having a happy summer.

Dream a dream...

Being a dreamer is hard. Continuous big ideas and people continuously rolling their eyes because, well, its just another big idea, another career path, another life plan, another route to happiness.
Never give up on being a dreamer. I know one day one of these dreams will come true. If it is meant to be, if it is for His purpose, if it is sought out with passion and hard work, it will be. Keep doing things you love. Everyday, do the things you love. If you love music, listen to it, know it. If you love art, paint, draw, dance. If you love everything from film to music to architecture and travel, just keep wandering around the universe and you will find your way, someday. Just be a dreamer. That is important.
And then you should probably listen to Darren Criss' EP called 'HUMAN' especially the song "Not Alone" so great!

Draw yourself a picture

Life is hard. Life is really really hard. And people are flawed. Every single person on this earth is flawed.
You know when you're little and you draw pictures of the ground and the sky and there's usually a tree with a nice oval hole in the middle for an owl. I've never actually seen this hole in a tree or an owl in a tree for that matter...but anyways, it was always in the picture. And there were birds. They were shaped like a bunch of small smushed letter Ms. There was definetly always a baloon as well. It was usually a girl (with red hair) holding a a balloon standing next to a tree with a hole in it.
Unfortunately the reality of life is that the birds will always shit on you, owls only come out at night and balloons go POP. Loudly.
I find looking back on my perfect sunshine world that it was great. It really was. It did lack one thing though. Meaning...truth.
I think i've found out that God reveals truth through hardship. He reveals Love through Pain...and he never looks as beautiful as when your picture perfect world is shredded to pieces.
The weather recently has been incredible. It is probably my motivation for blogging today. The actual sun shining on the hardest time of my life to date has given me some insight into how the most important SOn has never let me go. Life sucks, people suck. But mayber its just the way I am looking at it. Because when i begin to look at it with eyes opened wide by the Grace of my God I can see pretty clearly that the life that suckks is only for a little while.
SOmthing far greater is fully within grasp and it is coming! I bet in heaven the birds will look like little Ms and balloons will never pop. It will be great.